Some Rules to Live By

  1. Ideally, do no harm. Realistically, do as little harm as possible.
  2. Trust everyone (except men who like to fast dance) at least once.
  3. Forgiveness makes us human.
  4. Don't lie.
  5. Violence is never an acceptable solution.
  6. Maintain order against the onslaught of chaos and entropy.
  7. Avoid becoming a slave to your emotions, prejudices, or opinions.
  8. Fear change on a specific basis, not as a general concept.
  9. Don't be afraid to demonstrate intelligence.
  10. Admit when you're wrong, as long as they can prove it to you.
  11. Vote every chance you get. Persuade your friends to vote, too.
  12. Never turn down free samples.
  13. When you're in a traffic jam, find a good song on the radio.
  14. Consider moving to a nicer place with a better job market.
  15. Never rush to get somewhere when you're already late.
  16. The kind of person who's unfaithful once is the kind of person who'll be unfaithful often.
  17. Fall in love with a total stranger every day for a few minutes.
  18. Always carry at least four pennies and three quarters.
  19. When dealing with the government, remember the clerks are human, too.
  20. Try to read two books a week--and finish them, even if they're bad.
  21. Make a point of reading the newspaper every morning, including comics.
  22. Never drink more than five cups of coffee a day.
  23. Don't drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or do psychoactive drugs.
  24. Encourage the creation of art in all its forms.
  25. If you want to know something, ask. Because of the holistic nature of the electronic age, everything that happens to anyone in the world is automatically your business.
  26. Have a pet.
  27. Accept failure gracefully, and learn from it.
  28. Oppose and shock old people whenever you can.
  29. Dislike Republicans, unless you have some reason not to do so.
  30. Never let your life be ruled by your clutter.
  31. Always tip at least 20%.
  32. Buy comic books. Read them. Collect your favorites.
  33. Babble until they stop you.
  34. Have at least two hobbies that involve creation.
  35. Enjoy arousal.
  36. Never have an orgasm before she does.
  37. Question anything society considers unquestionable. Decide for yourself.
  38. Never stop applying for better jobs, no matter how good your job is.
  39. Be blunt. Words aren't pate; you're not supposed to mince them.
  40. Pick your friends based on your interests, not the other way around.
  41. If you can't talk to someone, try harder -- or listen.
  42. Never date someone you meet at a family reunion or funeral.
  43. Find something to like about every day of the year.
  44. Always try to discover both sides to every story.
  45. Have a favorite color, flower, song, book, cartoon, and Muppet.
  46. Don't let anyone patronize or pander to you.
  47. Your pride is worth more than a job, but less than a friendship.
  48. Be a good father, but not to your lovers.
  49. Be kind.
  50. Date people who make you happy. When they don't make you happy anymore, stop dating them and get on with your life.
  51. Wake up before 7 AM twice a week, and stay up past 2 AM at least once.
  52. When buying anything that won't go bad, buy in quantity.
  53. Reuse Dixie cups and plastic silverware.
  54. Never sacrifice your favorite principles.
  55. Don't attempt to be a rebel by dressing like every other rebel out there.
  56. Spend all your money. There's no point in keeping score.
  57. Enjoy Slinkys, Pla-Doh, and crayons.
  58. Don't be embarrassed by your hobbies or sex life.
  59. Be able to quote at least three lines of poetry.
  60. Brag a little, now and then.
  61. Believe in God every Tuesday. Thank Him for something, like apple trees or your current girlfriend.
  62. If your friends are ever forced to choose between you and love, don't be shocked if they choose love.
  63. Admit to yourself that winning and losing do matter to you.
  64. Be obsessive only about those things you can actually affect.
  65. Whenever the Arbor Foundation gives away free trees, order some and have a tree-planting party with your friends.
  66. Celebrate Thursday. If it was good enough for Winnie the Pooh...
  67. Shake hands a lot.
  68. Use compliments like salt; the more bland the recipient, the more he or she needs seasoning.
  69. Carry jumper cables, a jug of antifreeze, and a jack.
  70. Subscribe to a magazine.
  71. Try to cheer up every depressed person you see, even if he or she is a stranger. Give up when they start depressing you.
  72. Remember that poetry should always rhyme, unless there's a reason for it not to.
  73. Buy everything a child under the age of ten tries to sell you.
  74. Travel constantly, but avoid flat Midwestern states.
  75. Know how to say "I love you" in the language your girlfriend learned in high school.
  76. Don't ever be afraid of dying spectacularly. However, dying by doing something stupid is one of the few things that they're allowed to tease you about in Heaven
  77. Graduate.
  78. Watch the Simpsons whenever you have nothing better to do.
  79. Don't ever fake a smile, especially not for photographers.
  80. Your priorities should be: Values, Goals, Hobbies, Friends, Family, and God. If you do it in any other order, things will get difficult and confusing. Note that the more important ones are to the left.
  81. Have a bunch of maps to places you never visit, just in case.
  82. Try to be the person who, when your friend says, "Tom, do you know anyone who has a <crowbar/computer/portable radio/extra roll of toilet paper> I can borrow," does. If your name is Tom, of course.
  83. Enjoy beauty.
  84. Cry when things get poignant.
  85. Don't whine.
  86. Never accept the loss of a friend.
  87. Remember that professional sports have no effect on your life.
  88. Try to keep sex in perspective.
  89. Date your friends. They're your friends because you like them.
  90. Pay your bills on time.
  91. Be proud of at least one thing you can do, then ask yourself why you aren't doing it for money (assuming that it's legal).
  92. Be whimsical, but don't be silly about it.
  93. Like people.
  94. Recognize that mechanical pencils are better than wooden ones because they have sharper points and aren't as messy. If you're one of those nostalgic wooden pencil geeks, get over it; I bet you don't leave messages on answering machines, either. It's called progress, for God's sake!
  95. Know at least one song from your favorite Disney movie.
  96. Be five minutes early for all important meetings.
  97. Save every letter you receive, in case the person writing you becomes famous.
  98. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES is it safe for you to enter the Barbie aisle in any toy store. Don't even look at it without sunglasses.
  99. Don't buy alcohol for underage parties. If they need beer to enjoy themselves, it's not going to be a successful party.
  100. Check to make sure that there's toilet paper in the stall before you sit down.

Copyright @1996 Tom Davidson

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